Word Vomit

So, truthfully, it hasn’t been the best few months. There’s been some good parts, but… the majority of it has been trying, to say the least. And honestly each time I try to put some of it down in words, I get irritable, emotional, angry, etc and I just walk away. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve done that to this post, nor how many times I’ll do it since writing this sentence.

One of my employees – her mother had a stroke. Then another stroke. On the same week that my one other employee was on vacation in Cuba. So I was down an employee and I lost another, and I only had 5 to start with. Top it off with the fact that one of my employees had resigned before then, and I was training a temp (I think.  I can’t even remember at this point).  With 7 days to cover night shifts for all the days.. okay fine. It got worse instead of better when the vacationing employee ended up getting “stuck” in Cuba. I’m not saying I didn’t believe her issues… but the way she handled it was rather poor. Lack of communication as to what was going on, saying that she was going to call to update and then not, and not responding at all until threatened with discipline. Yeah, wasn’t the best experience.

A colleague of mine – who I worked with daily and spoke with quite frequently – checked into the hospital with pneumonia on a Monday. By Wednesday he was bored in the hospital and calling me. Friday was the last time he emailed me. Over the weekend he was put in a medical coma and was diagnosed with metastasized cancer in the brain, lungs, and all over. By the following weekend he had died. (Feb 18).  To say the experience wrecked me to a certain degree would be speaking the truth.  I couldn’t look at his emails, and in the interim between his death and his replacement, things fell pretty quickly apart.

My mom has been in and out of hospital again. There’s been issues with her blood pressure, kidney function, wound care, etc. Healing of wounds waxes and wanes. Pain management has been a constant problem. And it sucks seeing her in such pain. Breaks my heart.  I don’t know what to do to help, and, truthfully there’s not much I CAN do.

I said goodbye to my fuzzy best friend, constant support system and endless source of love for almost 13 years on March 25th. He was my rock, my constant, my best friend. He was my shadow, my baby and my light in the darkness. He was always there for me, not afraid to follow me everywhere and the best listener I have ever spoken to. He was goofy with his periscope tail, and smart as a whip. Handsome, and well behaved, he loved to cuddle, steal my blankets, give kisses and hog the bed. He never met a person he didn’t like, or didn’t charm. He was soft, fluffy and full of love. And he knew he was loved, right to the end.

Ambitiously took on two classes that I was dying to learn all about. The material was really interesting. I was learning a lot. And I got completely overwhelmed by all of the stuff that was happening that I ended up just bailing on classes and flunking out. I hate myself for it. And I don’t even know if I want to go back to it.

I got slapped in the face by a drunk guy in the elevator. An elevator in the apartment building I live in.  So much for being safe at home.

My employee’s mother who had the stroke died in May.

Been losing a good friend for a while now.  Decided to take a big step back and give some space.  Sucks, but it wasn’t unexpected.

I got into such a ridiculous argument with pet foster mother when she dropped off my new buddy, Husky, that I had adopted.  It was absolutely devastating and such a soul-sucking, violating experience.  She felt I would not be a good care giver to my new buddy because my place wasn’t spotless, because i had curtains, because I didn’t have his supplies set up to her “standards”, and she expressed doubt that I had done all I could to help Jake.  Turns out she also lied about the food she was feeding him, and neglected to give me his full medical records/tell me about the suture in his side.

Fell in love with the wrong guy.  At least, feels like it’s likely the wrong guy.  He’s funny.  Smart.  Charasmatic.  Fucking handsome.  And we get along great.  But three strikes and I’m (mostly) out.  It sucks and it’s painful and I pulled myself way back from interactions.  Which resulted in basically a void in the friendship that I don’t even know if he noticed at first.  It’s not like I’m not generally socially awkward regardless.  But recently decided that it’s better to be friends than nothing at all.  And hey, it’s not like I’m not used to weird one-sided friendships.

Good stuff happened too. Like my cousin giving birth to an adorable baby boy. Or seeing the Tea Party.  And Matt Good – twice.  Silly things like tweeting with musicians, celebrities and getting likes to tweets. There’s been fantastic sunsets that I’ve shared in awe of the colours. I had a lovely vacation with my best friend and road-tripped to places hadn’t seen before. I got a beautiful tattoo of an ocean wave. I got to meet an adorable little Texan boy that is definitely a heart breaker. I got to see cousins I haven’t seen in years, and ones I hadn’t met yet.  I welcomed a new adorable kitty into my life, Husky, who keeps me on my toes and gives me lots of love and cuddles.

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