Occasionally I fall into one of those dark scary black pits of badness. Those times where, no matter how good life has been recently, everything suddenly turns dark and there feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Where you wonder if truthfully your life is worth anything, whether you’ve wasted all your time so far, or if you’ve actually accomplished anything of merit. When you see all the accomplishments that used to be your milestone goals being completed by everyone else around you, and you’re still sitting on the sidelines waiting for your turn to play the game.
Granted, the pits I’ve fallen into in the past while have neither been as dark, deep or as strugglesome to get out of, but they’ve still been a part of my life. And I suspect they always will be. Social anxiety and depression are part of who I am. For the most part I’m alright with that as well. I’ve learned to manage them and manage my world around me during those times. I know the steps to take to take care of myself and to make myself feel better in the process.
But it’s still difficult.
So, with the help of some friends, I started to create a list. A list of things that inspire happy memories and reminiscing. Of accomplishments and goals I’ve achieved, both big and small. Of times I conquered my fears by saying fuck it and doing it anyway.
It is, by no means, a complete list. And it’s a fluid list – there’s always things going on that need to be added. Some are stupid (to you) but may be monumental to me. There are events that should have dates that I’ve forgotten. And there’s events that I’ve also just simply forgotten as well. If there’s something relevant that I’ve experienced with you and it’s not on this list, please tell me! If you have dates for something on this list, please tell me! And, even better, if you can think of something I should do with you that’s not on this list, let me know! I love suggestions.