I miss my sanity. Has anyone seen it?

I love the smell of freshly washed laundry. I’m sitting on my bed, surrounded by the smell of snuggle fabric softener, and I am in heaven. Simple pleasures.

I’ve been having a rough go recently. I’m trapped in this rut and I’m struggling to find my feet. I need to get out of it, but I’m not sure I know how. I’m not even sure I know how to try. And that scares me more than anything.

I spent half an hour re-doing my budget. And I get the feeling that it was completely pointless. But at least I’ve got an idea of how I stand financially. And that helps me feel a little less like I’m on shaky ground.

I read something the other day that made my heart smile for more reasons than I’d care to list and brought a tear or two to my eyes. Happy tears though. I don’t know if I want to go into details or not, as it’ll likely sound pretty damn stupid. But it made me so happy. A lot, and when I say lot – I mean lot, of who I am today can be related back to moments involving something or other in relation to the article. It helped me develop a stronger sense of self back in a time when I had no self. It helped me find my feet. And some other time when I’m not so… mentally deficient, I’ll better explain. Or sometime when I’m not already feeling well, not mocked but it’s the only word I can think of right now, by the issue.

I was going to update my random lyrics. But I’m still rather stuck on it. So be it. Maybe later I’ll get off my Raine kick. Doubtful though ;) since it’s been an addiction for what…. Fuck, has it really been 10 years?  Maybe not quite.  8 or 9.  But as my eyes are blurring and burning I think that’s a sign to say À bientôt and go to bed.

Life’s little lessons part 1

Random lessons from today:

  1. If all the other phones are busy and your phone rings, it’s not for you.
  2. TUMS taste like slightly flavoured chalk. Yes, I remember the taste of chalk.
  3. Just because someone is there doesn’t mean they’ll take your call even though they need to speak with you
  4. If it worked this morning, it’s not gonna work again, especially when you need it to.
  5. It is not next week yet. No matter how many times I’m told this one, it still hasn’t stuck.
  6. There is no way to get the slippery pants, that are too long and too big, to stay up. Do the laundry, for crying out loud.
  7. When you need to do laundry, everyone else needs to do laundry.
  8. White-out can be fun. Too much white-out can be trouble.
  9. Summer TV can be disappointing TV.
  10. There is nothing that can beat stretching out in bed under the covers after a rough day.

In the Heat of Summer Sunshine, I miss you

I don’t know what I’m thinking about today. My brain is scattered into hundreds of little sections. Earlier I was thinking about Texas. It didn’t help that I saw someone in a Cowboy hat at work. I think that’s what started it all, since the hat was similar to mine and everything. Hee I love my hat. So pretty and white.

Texas. Yes. This is going to be a wandering post, I think… Hence the scattered above. I was thinking about my trip. My trip to Texas to see Keiran was amazing. Too short, of course, but amazing none-the-less… I can’t believe that a month ago yesterday I was giving Keiran a hug, heading through the security gates then wandering around the airport sniffling (I saved the actual major cry for the bathroom, although a little kid asked me where it hurt when I was walking in…) waiting for what… 5 hours before my plane actually took off? Hello run-on sentence, pleased to me you. Anyway. Delayed flights, I’ve learned, annoy the HELL out of me. Especially when I’d rather not leave at all.

There are some pretty fantastic memories from that trip. Some moments have blurred together some, but it’s all still there.

Random buzzing dinner signals can be very frightening when you’re running on 2 hours of sleep after two very long days. Hahah and people aren’t so intimidating in real-life. I also cleared out most some of the Canadian CDs at this used CD store we went to. Must return the music home, damnit!

I discovered that I really enjoy clothes shopping with someone other than my mother! … That sounds like I don’t like clothes shopping with mom. I do. Mother really does know best sometimes. I just don’t like clothes shopping with what, almost all my other friends. Amazing what one “fat store” incident can do to you. But yes, anyway. That’s the way way past and yes I’m still bitter but I digress and it’s the wrong way. But the clothing stores! I am in love with some of them. I’m afraid I’m really truly a shop-a-holic now. The prices were pretty good too, even with the exchange.

Tubing was incredibly fun. Incredibly. I looove the water. And being able to spend time in the water with someone I adore, just chatting and relaxing and lazing away (with a few tumbles and stumbles and splashes, of course) was absolute heaven to me. I really am a water-baby and it’s a good thing I don’t live near the ocean or you’d never get me out of it.

Fossil Rim was cool. I’d never been that close to most of the animals before. I mean… I’ve seen giraffes and deer and zebras but never been able to… touch them. I also discovered that giraffes are very very big and scary up close, automatic windows can be mean :(, rear-view mirrors taste good, deer and other critters are persistant when it comes to getting food pellets, other people can be pretty damn stupid (and that includes park security) and that the best giggles can be heard when it’s just two girls in a car surrounded by animals.

Lifehouse was good. I love Jason Wade’s voice. It makes me melt in so many ways. It was a good show. And I was very thankful that we had seats. I think it would’ve been better had I not been so.. exhausted from Tubing and Fossil Rim and the entire exhausting two days before. 8 hours of sleep in two days plus a lot of physical activity (I usually get none) makes for a very tired Emily.

Downtown Dallas was sorta scary. It was fun to ride the train downtown. I love trains. But even then it was a little… scary in places. But the actual downtown had some pretty sections too. It felt very much like walking around some of the sections of town here. You’re not quite at ease, but you’re not completely on guard either. The Aquarium was totally cool though. I’ll admit that I’m surprised it’s just called Dallas World Aquarium when it’s more of a rainforest thing (of which I am absolutely in love with the waterfall inside) with an aquarium. I need to write more about the Aquarium and I will, eventually. It was one of my favourite places and so very pretty. I liked the quiet moments best though, watching the fishies, taking pictures, giggling over… stuff we’d comment on.

We spent a day in Fort Worth too, and we went to the Fort Worth Zoo and the Japanese Gardens and we drove around there some too. I like driving around places, although I can never remember where one place begins and the other ends, there’s so many pretty things you see just driving. We got ROARED at by the lion at the zoo. And I got sunburned (stupid forgetting that the sunscreen was in the cooler) and we both almost fell off the train. It’s a very nice zoo. Lots of animals to see. It amused me to no end to see all the kids oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over the black bears. They’re nothing special where I come from heh.

I think we managed to watch 6 or 7 movies while I was there too. MOVIES! That was our lazing time, our down time. Included playing with the many animals. I miss my kitty :( haha poor Windy is going to get two complexes, because I could never call her her name. It was always “kitty”. I actually miss being licked. And I forgot to give her a pet goodbye. :( that makes me sad.

I know that there’s much more for me to write about still. But you’re likely all bored by now anyway. The best part about the trip? Was just getting to go. Just getting to spend time with Keiran, strenghten our friendship.

Welcome to my disaster

So this is my new home. I haven’t quite got it all figured out yet, but I’m working on it. Piece by piece, bit by bit, fuck-up by fuck-up. The look isn’t permanent. That I’m working on too. And I’m not used to this whole “blog” thing. I killed my old one and that was willingly. So it’ll take a bit but I’ve missed having a home.

As it says above, welcome to my disaster.

Continue reading Welcome to my disaster