2017 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Fair question.  Had a complete meltdown at work.  Flunked out of school (because I just stopped showing up). Became part of a changeover due to the death of a co-worker.  Got a tattoo.  Road-tripped to Paris (TX).  Put my cat to sleep.  Used a virtual PC at work.  Adopted a cat through a rescue.  Entered a writing contest.  Signed with a Realtor.  Watched my mother die.  Planned a funeral.  Wrote a eulogy.  Signed up for Braille class (then flunked out). Traveled for the first time with just my cousin.  Managed to avoid getting norovirus.  Cruised the Caribbean.  Visited Haiti and Jamaica.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did not.  I did not make any.  I did commit to going to school.  I signed up and paid for 2 classes, learned for a bit and then I bailed when it was one of those… which of these things am I going to drop with Sanity, work and school.  Same with the Braille class.  Survival alone was tough for 2017.  I’m just hoping to make it to 2018 and beyond.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Both of my cousin Laura’s had babies this year.  Both of them boys.  Couple of old friends had babies too.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Started off with a co-worker.  Followed up by my fuzzy Jake, after almost 13 years of kitty togetherness.  Then in August I lost my mom and my world hasn’t been the same since.

5. What countries did you visit?

Visited the US, twice.  Visited a new state while I was there the first time, and concurred a fear of another the second time.  Spent a day in Haiti and in Jamaica.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017

Less stress.  Peace.  Patience.  Love.

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 25 – Day I put Jake down.

August 25 – Day mom died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Truthfully?  Surviving it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

There’s a lot of things I didn’t do well.  But.  Survival was the function point, not surviving well.  And I survived, so I’m okay with that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not that I recall, at least, not outside of the normal depression and anxiety.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Technically I didn’t buy him – I paid an adoption fee – but the best thing I’ve paid for this year has been my cat.  Husky has been a light in a lot of dark moments.  Even if he is nuts.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

All of my friends and family who were there for me in 2017.   A lot of bad things happened and I had some excellent people around me.  Those who answered the late night texts.  Who were there for me when I needed them.  Who gave me the strength to keep going.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

There is a long story to this one.  But.  There were some comments that were made by my superior during my year-end review that were incredibly inappropriate and rather hurtful, tying to the time I was off on vacation, then took leave because my mother died.  They revolved around how the place, basically, fell apart when I was off, and how somehow that was my fault.  Of course, as none of the commentary was truly represented in my written comment, and it would have been impossible to bring up as a complaint.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Travel.  Rent.  Clothes.  Food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Getting my tattoo with Keiran.  Deciding to adopt Husky.  Spending time with friends and loved ones.  Swimming in the ocean.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017

Suburbia – the “I Miss New Wave” version.

17.Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?  Depends on the moment

b) Thinner or fatter?  Fluctuated right back to where I started last year.

c) Richer or poorer?  Spent a bunch of money this year, so likely poorer. Richer in friendship.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Let go of things.  Realize that I’m only one person.  Tell people I love them.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Obsesses over things.  Given into fear.  Work/waste my energy at work.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Despite my aunt arguing to take over Christmas this year… We hosted.  I cooked a turkey, made cranberry sauce, gravy, potatoes and carrots.  Melissa and dad helped.  Laura brought her family.  Horst and Jane were there, with Oma.  Husky kept everyone entertained.  It was a success, and things went fairly well.

21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?

Talking, with mom, before she died.  Then picked up with Dad and sister each night.  Texting with Isabelle and Keiran.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017

I stayed in hopeless one-sided, unrequited love again this year.  But I’m at the point of crying uncle and put myself back on the market.

23. How many one-night stands?

Zero.

24. What was your favourite TV program?

Same as other years, I suspect.  Murdoch Mysteries.  Simpsons.  Bob’s Burgers.  Still Standing.  I’m looking forward to the next X-Files reboot.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate, no.  Wary of, for sure. Less trusting, absolutely.

26. What was the best book you read?

The ones I’ve taken the time to read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery

I don’t think there was a greatest musical discovery this year.  Although I did enjoy Dylan’s The Word of Mouth EP and I did pick up some other likes.

28. What did you want and get?

Much more than I deserved.

29. What did you want and not get?

More time.  More love.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Lots of good movies out there.  Lego Batman and Lego Ninjago.  Thor:  Ragnarok was pretty funny.  So was Star Wars – The Last Jedi.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old?

35 in 2017.  I honestly can’t remember what I did on my birthday.  Is that a sign of getting old?  It was mid-week, and I know I got a piece of cake.

32. What would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

At this point I don’t even know.  I’m just hoping for a better 2018.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Lazy.  Lazy with a mix of don’t give a fuck except occasionally.  Lots of dresses and boots.  Lots of trips to Torrid.

34. What kept you sane?

The cat.  Friends.  Family.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Josh Ramsay is still near the top of this list.  So is Matthew Good.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The ones that affected my friends.

37. Who did you miss?

The people I wasn’t, or can’t be, with.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I made friends with the individual who took over for the deceased coworker.  He’s been pretty fantastic.  I’ve also strengthened several existing friendships and I wouldn’t have made it through this year without them.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017

That there is never enough time.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

you will come back
convince yourself you can stay alive
and wait for me
and i will know what this was for
and I’ll say we’re leaving
there ain’t nothing here at all
another month, a year that’s all
so you can tell them I’m coming
and hell’s coming with me
someday this place is going to burn
is your whole life in the waiting
someday their heads are going to turn and they’ll realize
you’re missing

– Suburbia ~ Matthew Good.

I never claimed to be smart

So I did something simply brilliant the other day.  I picked up a casserole dish that had been in the oven for over an hour with my bare hand.  Having completely forgotten that I’d taken the one oven mitt off to grab a bowl out of the cupboard.  Brilliant eh?  My index finger and my middle finger have been nicely burnt and are this weird mix of red and white.  Which my mom says means that it’ll heal alright.  Lovely haha.  Luckily the cream that I’ve got numbs any of the burn pain, so things have been relatively normal.  I just make a lot more typos than usual.

For the long weekend, I managed to get an extra day off and we went down to Indiana to visit the cousins.  The kids are still adorable and still a handful.  Nicholas is definitely my favourite, but Preston comes in a close second.

Nicholas made me a drawing that says “I love you and I can’t stop” with a picture of a rainbow.  Preston was my shadow and loved to play peek-a-boo and tackle me when I least expected it.  He loved my fishies (my beloved Pisces necklace) and he loved to muss up my hair so I’d blow it out of my face.  Kelsey was little miss trouble but loved up anyone who would let her.  We went and saw Shrek the Third, where both boys had to sit with me.  So it ended up being Nicholas, me, Preston and my dad in the one row

We watched Nicholas play soccer and baseball.  And we watched the twins play soccer. Mom was all nostalgic for the days when I played soccer when I was little.  I brought the boys down Spiderman puzzles, which Nicholas and I put together about 4 times each.  And I was afraid they’d be a bust. I under-estimated the draw of the great spidey apparently.  Over all I had a great long weekend, and I survived with only two new bruises.

My to-read pile is becoming too big.  I need to stop wandering the bargain books during my lunch break.  Although the good reads for cheap prices saves my budget, I have no room in my tiny room for all the books I’ve bought.  But good book¦. Good prices. Haha sigh.  I need more bookshelf space and more bookshelves

I can’t think of anything else to add.

blah blah blah blah blah

Everything’s been rather one-sided recently. Every time I call someone, they all sound like they’re trying to figure out why the hell I’m calling them. And no one really wants to listen either – I can hear that in the repeated uh-huhs and silences. You don’t wanna talk to me? Then why’d you pick up the phone in the first place? Home, work, same thing. But whatever. Why should I expect anything else.

Still waiting to here what vacation dates I requested got approved, and which got rejected. I could say that I’m not still horribly disappointed at the way things turned out with the birthday-vacation thing, but that’d be a lie. I’m still taking my vacation though, and I’m still getting to see Keiran. Which is special in its self, and I’m really excited over it already, but it’s just gonna be a regular vacation instead. IF ONLY I COULD GET APPROVED DAMNIT.

I hate insomnia. I slept an entire 3.5 hours last night, plus a few 10-minutes-then-jerk-awake-for-no-reason. And there was absolutely no reason for me to be awake. I was exhausted from running around yesterday. My eyes wouldn’t stay open, but my brain wouldn’t shut up enough to let me sleep. It was a classic “shut up brain or I’ll stab you with a q-tip” moment. I took a sedative at 4:30 in an effort to get a few hours sleep… and I woke up at 8. So yeah, that worked well.

The ear-saga is on-going. And going and going and going and going. I don’t know. I’m slightly optimistic right now because the most recent drug they gave me actually seems to be doing slightly good? But I won’t bore anyone with details.

My cousin called last week to say that they’re planning on Baptizing the twins in May. And they’d like us to come. Now to weasel a vacation day from Hannah so that I can go. She said she has no problems with switching out a few, once we’re approved. And if she does? I’ll take a personal day. Religious reasons.

There’s a big indoor garage sale in two weekends. I’m excited! I love garage sales.

I can’t think of anything else.

In the Heat of Summer Sunshine, I miss you

I don’t know what I’m thinking about today. My brain is scattered into hundreds of little sections. Earlier I was thinking about Texas. It didn’t help that I saw someone in a Cowboy hat at work. I think that’s what started it all, since the hat was similar to mine and everything. Hee I love my hat. So pretty and white.

Texas. Yes. This is going to be a wandering post, I think… Hence the scattered above. I was thinking about my trip. My trip to Texas to see Keiran was amazing. Too short, of course, but amazing none-the-less… I can’t believe that a month ago yesterday I was giving Keiran a hug, heading through the security gates then wandering around the airport sniffling (I saved the actual major cry for the bathroom, although a little kid asked me where it hurt when I was walking in…) waiting for what… 5 hours before my plane actually took off? Hello run-on sentence, pleased to me you. Anyway. Delayed flights, I’ve learned, annoy the HELL out of me. Especially when I’d rather not leave at all.

There are some pretty fantastic memories from that trip. Some moments have blurred together some, but it’s all still there.

Random buzzing dinner signals can be very frightening when you’re running on 2 hours of sleep after two very long days. Hahah and people aren’t so intimidating in real-life. I also cleared out most some of the Canadian CDs at this used CD store we went to. Must return the music home, damnit!

I discovered that I really enjoy clothes shopping with someone other than my mother! … That sounds like I don’t like clothes shopping with mom. I do. Mother really does know best sometimes. I just don’t like clothes shopping with what, almost all my other friends. Amazing what one “fat store” incident can do to you. But yes, anyway. That’s the way way past and yes I’m still bitter but I digress and it’s the wrong way. But the clothing stores! I am in love with some of them. I’m afraid I’m really truly a shop-a-holic now. The prices were pretty good too, even with the exchange.

Tubing was incredibly fun. Incredibly. I looove the water. And being able to spend time in the water with someone I adore, just chatting and relaxing and lazing away (with a few tumbles and stumbles and splashes, of course) was absolute heaven to me. I really am a water-baby and it’s a good thing I don’t live near the ocean or you’d never get me out of it.

Fossil Rim was cool. I’d never been that close to most of the animals before. I mean… I’ve seen giraffes and deer and zebras but never been able to… touch them. I also discovered that giraffes are very very big and scary up close, automatic windows can be mean :(, rear-view mirrors taste good, deer and other critters are persistant when it comes to getting food pellets, other people can be pretty damn stupid (and that includes park security) and that the best giggles can be heard when it’s just two girls in a car surrounded by animals.

Lifehouse was good. I love Jason Wade’s voice. It makes me melt in so many ways. It was a good show. And I was very thankful that we had seats. I think it would’ve been better had I not been so.. exhausted from Tubing and Fossil Rim and the entire exhausting two days before. 8 hours of sleep in two days plus a lot of physical activity (I usually get none) makes for a very tired Emily.

Downtown Dallas was sorta scary. It was fun to ride the train downtown. I love trains. But even then it was a little… scary in places. But the actual downtown had some pretty sections too. It felt very much like walking around some of the sections of town here. You’re not quite at ease, but you’re not completely on guard either. The Aquarium was totally cool though. I’ll admit that I’m surprised it’s just called Dallas World Aquarium when it’s more of a rainforest thing (of which I am absolutely in love with the waterfall inside) with an aquarium. I need to write more about the Aquarium and I will, eventually. It was one of my favourite places and so very pretty. I liked the quiet moments best though, watching the fishies, taking pictures, giggling over… stuff we’d comment on.

We spent a day in Fort Worth too, and we went to the Fort Worth Zoo and the Japanese Gardens and we drove around there some too. I like driving around places, although I can never remember where one place begins and the other ends, there’s so many pretty things you see just driving. We got ROARED at by the lion at the zoo. And I got sunburned (stupid forgetting that the sunscreen was in the cooler) and we both almost fell off the train. It’s a very nice zoo. Lots of animals to see. It amused me to no end to see all the kids oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over the black bears. They’re nothing special where I come from heh.

I think we managed to watch 6 or 7 movies while I was there too. MOVIES! That was our lazing time, our down time. Included playing with the many animals. I miss my kitty :( haha poor Windy is going to get two complexes, because I could never call her her name. It was always “kitty”. I actually miss being licked. And I forgot to give her a pet goodbye. :( that makes me sad.

I know that there’s much more for me to write about still. But you’re likely all bored by now anyway. The best part about the trip? Was just getting to go. Just getting to spend time with Keiran, strenghten our friendship.