2017 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Fair question.  Had a complete meltdown at work.  Flunked out of school (because I just stopped showing up). Became part of a changeover due to the death of a co-worker.  Got a tattoo.  Road-tripped to Paris (TX).  Put my cat to sleep.  Used a virtual PC at work.  Adopted a cat through a rescue.  Entered a writing contest.  Signed with a Realtor.  Watched my mother die.  Planned a funeral.  Wrote a eulogy.  Signed up for Braille class (then flunked out). Traveled for the first time with just my cousin.  Managed to avoid getting norovirus.  Cruised the Caribbean.  Visited Haiti and Jamaica.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did not.  I did not make any.  I did commit to going to school.  I signed up and paid for 2 classes, learned for a bit and then I bailed when it was one of those… which of these things am I going to drop with Sanity, work and school.  Same with the Braille class.  Survival alone was tough for 2017.  I’m just hoping to make it to 2018 and beyond.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Both of my cousin Laura’s had babies this year.  Both of them boys.  Couple of old friends had babies too.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Started off with a co-worker.  Followed up by my fuzzy Jake, after almost 13 years of kitty togetherness.  Then in August I lost my mom and my world hasn’t been the same since.

5. What countries did you visit?

Visited the US, twice.  Visited a new state while I was there the first time, and concurred a fear of another the second time.  Spent a day in Haiti and in Jamaica.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017

Less stress.  Peace.  Patience.  Love.

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 25 – Day I put Jake down.

August 25 – Day mom died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Truthfully?  Surviving it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

There’s a lot of things I didn’t do well.  But.  Survival was the function point, not surviving well.  And I survived, so I’m okay with that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not that I recall, at least, not outside of the normal depression and anxiety.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Technically I didn’t buy him – I paid an adoption fee – but the best thing I’ve paid for this year has been my cat.  Husky has been a light in a lot of dark moments.  Even if he is nuts.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

All of my friends and family who were there for me in 2017.   A lot of bad things happened and I had some excellent people around me.  Those who answered the late night texts.  Who were there for me when I needed them.  Who gave me the strength to keep going.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

There is a long story to this one.  But.  There were some comments that were made by my superior during my year-end review that were incredibly inappropriate and rather hurtful, tying to the time I was off on vacation, then took leave because my mother died.  They revolved around how the place, basically, fell apart when I was off, and how somehow that was my fault.  Of course, as none of the commentary was truly represented in my written comment, and it would have been impossible to bring up as a complaint.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Travel.  Rent.  Clothes.  Food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Getting my tattoo with Keiran.  Deciding to adopt Husky.  Spending time with friends and loved ones.  Swimming in the ocean.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017

Suburbia – the “I Miss New Wave” version.

17.Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?  Depends on the moment

b) Thinner or fatter?  Fluctuated right back to where I started last year.

c) Richer or poorer?  Spent a bunch of money this year, so likely poorer. Richer in friendship.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Let go of things.  Realize that I’m only one person.  Tell people I love them.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Obsesses over things.  Given into fear.  Work/waste my energy at work.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Despite my aunt arguing to take over Christmas this year… We hosted.  I cooked a turkey, made cranberry sauce, gravy, potatoes and carrots.  Melissa and dad helped.  Laura brought her family.  Horst and Jane were there, with Oma.  Husky kept everyone entertained.  It was a success, and things went fairly well.

21. Who did you spend most of the time on the phone with?

Talking, with mom, before she died.  Then picked up with Dad and sister each night.  Texting with Isabelle and Keiran.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017

I stayed in hopeless one-sided, unrequited love again this year.  But I’m at the point of crying uncle and put myself back on the market.

23. How many one-night stands?


24. What was your favourite TV program?

Same as other years, I suspect.  Murdoch Mysteries.  Simpsons.  Bob’s Burgers.  Still Standing.  I’m looking forward to the next X-Files reboot.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate, no.  Wary of, for sure. Less trusting, absolutely.

26. What was the best book you read?

The ones I’ve taken the time to read.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery

I don’t think there was a greatest musical discovery this year.  Although I did enjoy Dylan’s The Word of Mouth EP and I did pick up some other likes.

28. What did you want and get?

Much more than I deserved.

29. What did you want and not get?

More time.  More love.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Lots of good movies out there.  Lego Batman and Lego Ninjago.  Thor:  Ragnarok was pretty funny.  So was Star Wars – The Last Jedi.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old?

35 in 2017.  I honestly can’t remember what I did on my birthday.  Is that a sign of getting old?  It was mid-week, and I know I got a piece of cake.

32. What would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

At this point I don’t even know.  I’m just hoping for a better 2018.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Lazy.  Lazy with a mix of don’t give a fuck except occasionally.  Lots of dresses and boots.  Lots of trips to Torrid.

34. What kept you sane?

The cat.  Friends.  Family.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Josh Ramsay is still near the top of this list.  So is Matthew Good.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

The ones that affected my friends.

37. Who did you miss?

The people I wasn’t, or can’t be, with.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I made friends with the individual who took over for the deceased coworker.  He’s been pretty fantastic.  I’ve also strengthened several existing friendships and I wouldn’t have made it through this year without them.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017

That there is never enough time.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

you will come back
convince yourself you can stay alive
and wait for me
and i will know what this was for
and I’ll say we’re leaving
there ain’t nothing here at all
another month, a year that’s all
so you can tell them I’m coming
and hell’s coming with me
someday this place is going to burn
is your whole life in the waiting
someday their heads are going to turn and they’ll realize
you’re missing

– Suburbia ~ Matthew Good.

Creativity… or lack there of.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being creative recently.  And I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been lacking.  I’m a little ashamed at myself.

I’m trying to think of a place to keep my poetry.  Part of me wants to upload it here, have it visible to all.  But my poetry is something that I rarely share.  It… frightens me.  Because it is me.  Pieces, sure, here and there.  It was hard enough to go through that poetry class.  And… it seems like the class did more harm than good?  I’m not good with praise.  And it surprises me when I received it.  And… after the praise I received from the professor and the other students… I haven’t written much poetry since then.  I guess I write better when I think I’m bad at it.

NaNoWriMo is coming up again.  That’s what started it.  I’m trying to decide if I’m going to attempt it again.

I’ve got a bunch of long mostly-written posts that I should be finishing.  There’s a post about the trip through BC from August.  A short blurb about my dad’s birthday.  Another short blurb about the family trip to the CNE.  A piece about my new cousin Kian, who was born Sept 1.  A quick piece about my sister’s birthday, and meeting cousin Kian.  Something about our trip to Indiana for the Christening of the twins for the Thanksgiving weekend. A bunch of half-written posts that I just can’t make myself finish.

I’m nervous and scared about getting my eyes checked on Friday.  Admitting it outloud doesn’t make it any less scary.  I’m not prepared to hear what he might say.  Hearing it once was hard enough.  It shattered me the last time.  I don’t know if I can pick up the pieces a second time.

Obviously I’ve wandered off track.  My brain is non-linear.  Time for random poetry writing and sleep.  Hopefully sleep anyway.

I never claimed to be smart

So I did something simply brilliant the other day.  I picked up a casserole dish that had been in the oven for over an hour with my bare hand.  Having completely forgotten that I’d taken the one oven mitt off to grab a bowl out of the cupboard.  Brilliant eh?  My index finger and my middle finger have been nicely burnt and are this weird mix of red and white.  Which my mom says means that it’ll heal alright.  Lovely haha.  Luckily the cream that I’ve got numbs any of the burn pain, so things have been relatively normal.  I just make a lot more typos than usual.

For the long weekend, I managed to get an extra day off and we went down to Indiana to visit the cousins.  The kids are still adorable and still a handful.  Nicholas is definitely my favourite, but Preston comes in a close second.

Nicholas made me a drawing that says “I love you and I can’t stop” with a picture of a rainbow.  Preston was my shadow and loved to play peek-a-boo and tackle me when I least expected it.  He loved my fishies (my beloved Pisces necklace) and he loved to muss up my hair so I’d blow it out of my face.  Kelsey was little miss trouble but loved up anyone who would let her.  We went and saw Shrek the Third, where both boys had to sit with me.  So it ended up being Nicholas, me, Preston and my dad in the one row

We watched Nicholas play soccer and baseball.  And we watched the twins play soccer. Mom was all nostalgic for the days when I played soccer when I was little.  I brought the boys down Spiderman puzzles, which Nicholas and I put together about 4 times each.  And I was afraid they’d be a bust. I under-estimated the draw of the great spidey apparently.  Over all I had a great long weekend, and I survived with only two new bruises.

My to-read pile is becoming too big.  I need to stop wandering the bargain books during my lunch break.  Although the good reads for cheap prices saves my budget, I have no room in my tiny room for all the books I’ve bought.  But good book¦. Good prices. Haha sigh.  I need more bookshelf space and more bookshelves

I can’t think of anything else to add.

Yes, I am aware that my blog is broken

It’s been an interesting few days, to say the least. Home the past weekend meant exposure to Strep throat, a nasty cold, the stomach flu and various other fun instances. Luckily it’s been a week and I’ve appeared to escape relatively unscathed.

Family discussions have tended to run towards my gramma recently, and how she’s losing her memory. We’re thinking Alzheimers, and so apparently are the doctors. Mom and I were talking the past few weekends about what happens next. There’s been discussions of her moving in with my family and selling her home. I guess we’ll see what happens, really, since only time will tell.

I’ve been dared to join a few … online dating services. So I did. I’m amused by the response thus far although I’ve done nothing with the responses received. I will admit that I’m not particularily thrilled by my single status, but I don’t mind it either? Besides, the lack of self-confidence is still telling me that I don’t deserve anyone anyway. Or that I’m not good enough for anyone. So that’s making it a little more difficult to take seriously.

I spent a lot more money today then I intended to. But I have new CDs to listen to and this makes me happy. Besides. It’s payday. That’s my excuse?

Tomorrow is the Chantal concert with Lauren. I’m all excited already! We’re meeting for dinner first, then off to see Chantal and Raine. And while I won’t lie and say I’m not more thrilled to be seeing Raine, I really am excited to see Chantal as well. The best part though? Will be that it’ll be with Lauren.

My March trip to Texas is mostly set. Well. The plane tickets are booked and paid for. But there’s an underlying tension there still with all the events that have passed and I’m a little worried. Excited to be going, but worried too.

I don’t remember what I was going to add.  Couldn’t of been important.